13 I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children’s children, because I don’t think children should be having sex. Joel Gross is the CEO of Coalition Technologies. See more ideas about Deep thoughts, Thoughts, Deep thoughts jack handy. His website also offers humorous articles written by Mr. Handey himself, plus his short Fuzzy Memories videos resurrecting the past.

Deep Thoughts: 34 Hilarious Jack Handey Quotes You may be wondering “Who is Jack Handey” and “Is he an infomercial product?” Lucky for you, we have …

12 I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. 3 Instead of having “answers” on a math test, they should just call them “impressions,” and if you got a different “impression,” so what, can’t we all be brothers? 7 To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there’s no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other.

That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?," you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks.". Children need encouragement. 9 I remember how my great-uncle Jerry would sit on the porch and whittle all day long. One thing kids like is to be tricked. The Official "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey" Website. When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman.

If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He like enchiladas, because that's what He's getting!

And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.

Joke from Jack Handy For instance, I was going to take my nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

I plan to look them up and read them.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." He's a writer who also worked on some very funny SNL sketches like (a personal favorite of mine) "Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer" and "Toonces the Driving Cat.". And since he’s so busy, you’d probably have to run up to him real quick and hand it to him. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear. Joke from Jack Handy


But only if you’re serious about adopting the vulture. 15 If I ever get real rich, I hope I’m not real mean to poor people, like I am now.

If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. Then it wouldn’t seem quite so funny.

6 If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, “God is crying.” And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, “Probably because of something you did.” Joke from Jack Handy

* If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now. 14 One thing kids like is to be tricked. 5 As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Actually that sounds super fun, perhaps I should hold it sooner… hmmmm. Relaxing music played over pastoral scenes, increasing the feeling that you were watching a very Zen relaxation video... yet when coupled by the acerbic thoughts of Jack Handey, REAL GUY, the quick sketches became a favorite among viewers.

I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but decided to go home instead. Joke from Jack Handy File this under: Websites We Didn't Know Still Existed and Famous Names We Assumed Were Pen Names, but Actually Belong to Real People.

On the website Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey, the funny moments live on even decades after the segments stopped airing on SNL. "Somebody told me it as frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but when I told that story around the campfire, nobody got scared."

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That way he develops a good, lucky feeling. And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did.". Joke from Jack Handy Joke from Jack Handy

To me, clowns aren't funny.

See more ideas about Deep thoughts, Thoughts, Deep thoughts jack handy. Here are a few Deep Thoughts to remind you of why they're awesome.

17 If you go to a costume party at your boss’s house, wouldn’t you think a good costume would be to dress up like the boss’s wife? And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

Joke from Jack Handy

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate.

And no paint, because he had whittled off the paint. Saturday Night Live used to include these very short bits in between their comedy sketches. Nov 2, 2019 - Explore Cathy's board "Jack Handey Deep Thoughts" on Pinterest.
1 I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I’d just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway. If I ever get real rich, I hope I’m not real mean to poor people, like I am now. In fact, they're kind of scary.

Mike Durrett has spent more than a decade writing about comedy on the web. He's also a scriptwriter and actor with over 20 years of experience in those fields. Sometimes it seemed that way.


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