And you might have noticed something else. But he loves you. 51. Bomb them!” And of course, the bombs and the rockets and the bullets are all shaped like dicks. We’re so self-important. 25. Electricity is really just organized lightning. Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When George was an infant, she left Carlin's father Patrick, who was a national advertising manager for the New York Sun. Carlin went on to become a popular stand-up comedian, author, and film and television actor. The sanctity of life doesn’t seem to apply to cancer cells, does it? In July 1972, Carlin was arrested for violating obscenity laws in Milwaukee after his infamous routine "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television.". “George Carlin is the God of comedy. But there is an “I” in independence, individuality and integrity. Never join a group that has a name. Now there is another phrase I dearly love. Enter one or two keywordsto search these Inspirational Quotes.

You ever notice that? In 1977, Carlin starred in his first of HBO comedy specials, On Location: George Carlin at USC. 16. See, nobody can do it!

Here’s some bumper stickers I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child whose self esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.” “We are the proud parents of a child who has resisted his teachers’ attempts to break his spirit and bend him to the will of his corporate masters.” “We have a daughter in public school who hasn’t been knocked up yet.” “We have a son in public school who hasn’t shot any of his classmates yet. Nothing changed.- George Carlin, Capitalism tries for a delicate balance:It attempts to work things out so thateveryone gets just enough stuff to keep them fromgetting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.- George Carlin, Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man... living in the sky. Must be another one of those “miracles.”. Fascism won it.

Because I’m an American and I expect a little cancer in my food and water.

Rodney Dangerfield was a stand-up comedian and actor known for his "I don't get no respect" routine. 12. Comedy is filled with surprise, so when I cross a line, I like to find out where the line might be and then cross it deliberately, and then make the audience happy about crossing the line with me. My first rule: I don’t believe anything the government tells me. 5. Here’s his bit on Euphemisms, where he tries to claim that America has changed words in order to hide from ugly truths.

“Say, pardon me?” (shoots gun) “I’m awfully sorry.

You may unsubscribe at any time. And besides telling you things you shouldn’t say, religion is gonna suggest some things that you ought to be saying; “Here’s something you ought to say first thing when you wake up in the morning; here’s something you ought to say just before you go to sleep at night; here’s something we always say on the third Wednesday in April after the first full moon in spring at 4 o’clock when the bells ring.” Religion is always suggesting things you ought to be saying.

You know, why should it be illegal to sell something that’s perfectly legal to give away?

Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures.- H. Jackson Brown, Jr. Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.- Jonathan Lockwood Huie, Every thought we think is creating our future.- Louise L. Hay, To know yet to think that one does not know is best;Not to know yet to think that one knowswill lead to difficulty.- Lao Tzu, If I feel depressed I will sing.If I feel sad I will laugh.If I feel ill I will double my labor.If I feel fear I will plunge ahead.If I feel inferior I will wear new garments.If I feel uncertain I will raise my voice.If I feel poverty I will think of wealth to come.If I feel incompetent I will think of past success.If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals.Today I will be the master of my emotions.- Og Mandino, Tolerance is the first principle of community;it is the spirit which conservesthe best that all men think.- Helen Keller, Excellence is the result ofcaring more than others think wise,risking more than other's think safe,dreaming more than others think practical,and expecting more than others think possible.- Anonymous, Truth is not defined byhow many people believe something.Ask. 28. You’ll never see the black guys going, “Oh, golly!

OK? Doesn’t happen. '” Avoid teams at all cost. They’re all in favor of the unborn. 45. 42. And they all vote. It’s been here over four billion years The planet isn’t goin’ anywhere, folks. Actor and comedian George Lopez has built a successful career by finding the humor in his difficult childhood and in the Mexican-American community in general.

By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. That’s the only thing. The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. 3. Hint: keep it simple, like life or moving on, Think of how stupid the average person is,and realize half of them are stupider than that.- George Carlin, I think it's the duty of the comedian to find outwhere the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.- George Carlin, As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,he no longer is.- George Carlin, I would never want to be a member of a groupwhose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.- George Carlin. But if he starts that smart-ass fly shit, buzzing my head and repeatedly landing on my arm, he is engaging in high-risk behavior.

Religion is just trying to control your mind, control your thoughts, so they’re gonna tell you some things you shouldn’t say because they’re…sins. And a boring game. Nothing left.

I’m an acrostic: the whole thing puzzles me. - George Carlin.

He is survived by his second wife of ten years, Sally Wade. 17. 30. I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. Reblogged this on Enlightening, i'n't it?. Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. And that of course was at the end of the Civil War. After dropping out of high school and enlisting in the Air Force, George Carlin began taking radio jobs, eventually (with partner Jack Burns) attracting the attention of Lenny Bruce, who helped get them appearances on The Tonight Show with Jack Paar. Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. Thank you for visiting these Think of how stupid the average person is, by George Carlin. 1. George Carlin. George Harrison was the lead guitarist of the Beatles as well as a singer-songwriter on many of their most memorable tracks. Carlin illustrated his anti-establishment views by being the first host of the risque TV show Saturday Night Live on October 11, 1975. However, the comedian's new material brought him success from the younger counterculture.

No nothing.

Here is an entire class of people guaranteed never to have an abortion and the Catholics and the Christians are just tossing them aside. You could build two Rhode Islands and a Delaware for the homeless on the land currently being wasted on this meaningless, mindless, arrogant, elitist, racist, there’s another thing; the only blacks you’ll find at country clubs are carrying trays. It simply does not give a fuck about you! “The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.” ― George Carlin 6. 2.

Because chickens are decent people. Burns and Carlin eventually split up, and over the next few years Carlin continued to make numerous appearances on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, as well as 29 appearances on The Merv Griffin Show.

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